I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
