i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
