Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
