I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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