Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
