??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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