I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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