You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
