I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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