She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
