My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
