There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize