her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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