Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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