I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
