If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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