I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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