You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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