she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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