The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
