No stitches, just platelets and will power
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
