Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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