oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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