There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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