We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
