Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
