I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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