Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
