She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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