Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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