she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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