White coat. Heels.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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