my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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