better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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