the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
