I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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