I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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