i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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