I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
