you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
