He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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