If i could tip my vagina, i would.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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