life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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