It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
