You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
