Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
