Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
