how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
