Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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