this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
