In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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