my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
