shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
