they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
