This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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