i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
FUCK WHALES
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
